The Post-literate Economy

A Monologue from the Near-Future

My Neural-Nudge gently vibrated my brainstem at 07:00. No jarring alarms here, thank you very much. We're all about harmonious awakenings. First thing, like everyone, I jacked into the OmniStream for my Morning MoodSet. Today's Top Feels, curated by the Algorithm Gods (blessed be their server farms), was a delightful mix of "Righteous Indignation Puppy-Related Scandal" and "Mildly Amused Smugness Influencer FailCompilation". Standard.

Who needs to read the news anymore? Seriously, who has the time? Or the ... what's that old word? Oh yeah, attention span. Give me a 3-second GlimpseClip of President Camacho IV (love that guy, his 👊-pump emotes are 🔥) making a frowny face at the Outgroup "People," and I'm informed. I get the gist. The vibe. The raw, uncut feeling. That's what matters. Words? So ... dense. Like trying to suck a nutrient paste through a coffee stirrer.

My job? Officially, I'm a "Synergy Weaver Grade III" at FeelCorp. Unofficially, I make sure the right ✨ emojis get paired with the right BrandBlasts. It's crucial work. Get the tonal resonance wrong on a campaign for "SoylentSips: Now With Extra Sparkle!" and engagement plummets. Plum. Mets. And then my quarterly VibeScore takes a hit. No thank you.

This morning, BossBot (it's an AI, but with a really sympathetic avatar—big, teary eyes, you know the type) pinged me about an "ancient text file" from the Before Times. A "report," it called it. Pages of… words. Just words. Solid blocks of them. My optical sensors nearly short-circuited. Gave me the Vapors, I tell ya. I actually had to take a micro-dose of CalmCloud just to process the request. Apparently, some academic relic wanted us to "verify its authenticity." Authenticity! Can you imagine? As if a document's "truth" isn't just a function of how many UpDings it gets.

It reminds me of this fringe HoloChannel I accidentally clicked on last week—"Is Anything Actually, You Know, Real?" Some glitchy avatar with what looked like spaghetti for hair was rambling about 'objective reality versus subjective experience.' My Neural-Nudge actually flagged it for 'Potentially Depressive Content Under 10K ReVibes.' Like, duh. If it's not trending, is it even a thought worth thinking? The channel got de-platformed pretty quick for 'Vibe Disruption.' Good riddance. If it doesn't make you LOL, rage-share, or buy something with one-click FeelPay, then what's the point of it existing? It's like, if a tree falls in the forest and no one GlimpseClips it with a sad-face filter, did it even make a sound? Or more importantly, did it generate any ad revenue? Probably not. Case closed.

Luckily, Jan_from_Decomms (she's great, really knows her way around the Legacy-to-Legible converters) ran it through the OldSpeak-to-EmotiPulse translator. Turns out, it was just a very long-winded sad face about something called "journalism." Yawn. We tagged it #BoringButProbablyTrueish and archived it in the DeepData tombs. Nobody's clicking on that.

Lunch was a nutrient paste (flavor: "NostalgiaBerry Surge"—a bit too on-the-nose, if you ask me) while I doomscrolled through the MemeWars on TruthNet (which, ironically, everyone knows is just for the dankest conspiracy theories and cat videos). The Big Debate today: Is Air (brought to you by AeroCorp!) better than BreathPlus? The arguments were fierce. Lots of ALL CAPS, reaction GIFs of celebrities looking confused, and the occasional AI-generated deepfake of, like, Rizz4Life endorsing one or the other. Compelling stuff. Someone tried to bring up "independent analysis" and "chemical composition reports." Banned from the chat, obviously. Such a Vibe-Killer. Honestly, some people just don't get it. It's about which brand feels more breathable, you know?

It's like, what even is 'proof' anymore? A screenshot of a popular comment? An AI-generated image that looks vaguely convincing if you don't zoom in too much? I saw a GlimpseDebate once where they were arguing if the sky was 'objectively blue.' One side had color swatches and 'scientific data' (whatever that is, sounds like something you'd find clogging a data-drain). The other side just posted a really moving HoloPoem about how the sky felt like a warm hug from a lavender unicorn, and they had a way better engagement score. So, lavender unicorn sky it is, I guess. Or at least, that's the sky you'd want to invest your Emotional Capital in. Who wants a boring 'blue' sky when you can have one that resonates?

The afternoon was a blur of micro-tasks and mandatory JoyJolt sessions (they boost productivity by 0.03%, apparently). The WaterScarcity situation (sponsored by AquaLife Solutions!) is getting a bit… drippy. But the official GovFeed just dropped a new dance challenge about water conservation—set to a banger of a tune by DJ DripDrop. Very catchy. I shared it. Doing my part. Our Glorious Leader (his official title, it tested well in the Emotional Resonance Polls, much better than "Prime Minister Mediocre") gave a Holo-Speech. Didn't catch all of it—my attention wandered to a new filter that makes your nose sparkle—but the part where he blamed the Squirrel People for the MoodPlunge last quarter? Powerful. Goosebumps. And the way his cape shimmered with user-generated 👏 emojis? 👨‍🍳😘 That's how you lead.

I remember my great-gran (bless her analog heart) used to talk about "newspapers". Smelled dusty, she said. Full of tiny, angry words. She claimed they used to have people called "investigative journalists" who would "dig for truth". Sounds exhausting. And frankly, a bit rude. Who are they to decide what the truth is? The CrowdMind knows best. If a story gets enough ReVibes, it becomes True. Simple. Efficient. Democratic, even, in a chaotic, perpetually outraged sort of way. She also talked about 'history' like it was a fixed thing. Silly Nana. History is just the winning GlimpseClip from yesterday's MemeWar. One day, the Heroic Hamsters saved the DataSphere from the ByteBlighters. Next week, if the Blighters' new avatar is cuter and their theme song slaps harder, maybe they were the good guys all along, just misunderstood. It's all narrative, baby. The 'facts' are just the set dressing.

Dinner: another nutrient paste (ExcitementEucalyptus flavor—bit of a miss, that one, tasted like a sad tree) while binge-watching "Can You Feel It?!", the gameshow where contestants get mild electric shocks if they can't guess the emotion behind a 1-second soundbite. It's hilarious when they mistake "Existential Dread" for "Mild Indigestion." Classic.

Someone once tried to show me a "book." Big, heavy thing. No moving images. No soundtrack. Just… symbols. They said it could "transport you to another world." My OmniGlass does that, and it has a much better resolution, thanks. Plus, books don't give you AchievementBadges for finishing a chapter. What's the incentive?

My kid—well, my designated OffspringUnit—came home from the LearnSphere today. They're teaching them "Advanced Emote Recognition" and "Meme Hermeneutics." Vital skills for the new economy. He aced his test on "Interpreting Sarcasm Through Pixel Density in Reaction GIFs." Proud dad moment. He tried to tell me about some "history" module where they learned about the "Collapse of Reason" or something. I just patted his head and told him not to worry his pretty little Vibe about it. As long as the Feels are good, who cares about the Reals, right? "Son," I said, "asking 'why' something is true is so last century. The real question is, 'how many UpDings does it have?' If the numbers are good, the truth takes care of itself." He nodded, his eyes already glazing over as a notification for a new dance craze popped up in his peripheral vision. Attaboy.

Thinking is so… linear. So much effort. Why bother when the VibeNet tells you what to feel? It's efficient. It's… smooth. All these notifications, all these GlimpseClips, all these MoodSets—it's like a warm, comforting bath of pure, unadulterated sensation. Who needs "facts" when you've got a constant stream of highly engaging, emotionally resonant content chunks? Facts are so… divisive. Feelings, now those are universal. Or at least, they are once the Algorithm has smoothed out the inconveniently nuanced ones.

Nighty night. Time to set my Neural-Nudge for Pleasant Dreams (Sponsored by DreamWeave—Use code VIBEME for 10% off your first REM cycle enhancement). Don't let the reality bugs bite. (Spoiler: they're not real, just a trending conspiracy theory pushed by the OutrageHawkers to boost engagement on the FearFeed. Sleep tight!) Tomorrow's another day, another Vibe. And my UpDing score for this monologue? Gotta be epic. Or it will be, once I add the right sparkle filter and a trending cry-laugh emoji soundtrack.