Buddhism for Millennials (Satire)

Everything's gonna fall apart and die. But chillax, because that's just how reality is and it can't be any other way. And wanting it to be any other way is just going to cause drama. But we don't worry, because there's some weird tricks the universe doesn't want you to know about.

Three Marks of eXistenZ:

1. Everything changes.
2. Life sucks.
3. You're nothin', and you're gonna suffer until you realize you're nothin'.

Four Noble Truthbombs:

1. Life sucks.
2. You want stuff.
3. Stop wanting stuff.
4. There's eight cool life hacks to stop wanting stuff.

The Eightfold Life Hacks:

1. See shit clearly
2. Think less stupid thoughts
3. Don't be an asshole when you talk
4. Do good stuff, not bad stuff
5. Get a job that doesn't screw people over
6. Try not to suck so much
7. Pay attention to the now
8. Chill out and focus

Meditation:

You sit and think about how you aren't your thoughts. And if you think really hard about your thoughts, you'll observe you (are) overthinking.

Dependent Origination:

Everything's just a gnarly wave arising from nothing. The universe is one big ocean, and we're all just riding these temporary swells. No beginning, no end, just an endless surf sesh.

Nirvana:

Fancy word for not giving a shit anymore and peacin' out, cuz yo' realize the u in 'you' was never actually you at all, yo.